Where do i go from here?

The only place is UP!!!!!!!!!!!! These past 2 months have been the hardest days I have ever been put through mentally and physically. I made it though. (even if I thought I wouldn't) I had to push myself so hard. The friday that sent us back to the hospital was awful!! I thought Maya was going to die right here in my living room. It was so scary and it put her little body through so much.

9 DAYS LATER...we are home. Trying to get back into a routine and get a normal life again. I am so glad summer is coming and school will be out. I need some time with all my girls. They need to know how much I love them. This has been hard on them too. They are so sweet. My husband had to "play" single dad again. WOW he really is amazing and so strong. He has done so much for our family. I am so proud of him. He did all that I do around the house, including the girls stuff and still stayed at the hospital one night so I could sleep at home. He went to work the next day!

WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN!!!!! hee hee hee

Home AGAIN!!

Well after that lovely 10 day stay at MUSC with Maya we are home and settled back in (again)!!!!! That was so hard for me to stay every second, every minute, every hour, and every day by her side. I felt as if I was leaving my other girls behind. I just kept praying that they didn't think I loved Maya more. I am so proud of my husband. He stayed with them the whole time(except while he was at work) and did all the stuff that I do at home as well; cleaned, cooked(kindof), homework with Sky, baths, reading to them, even taking them to golf, and getting them to bed. He is such an amazing man...NOT ONCE DID HE COMPLAIN!! He does praise those single moms. Now he knows what I went through when I was on my own with Sky.

This past 2 month journey has taken a toll on me. I am now a stronger person, but I feel so alone and sad these days now that all the "scary times" are pretty much over. I just sit here sometimes and cry. I had felt so alone and isolated at the hospital, it was horrible. I didn't see the sun or outside for 5 days. I felt trapped and scared all alone in the room with Maya. I couldn't fix her problems and they kept happening. She had times where she would choke and not breathe. I thought she would die or was dead at times.

Now that I am home I still have some of those feelings of isolation. I see the sun, but can't go out in it. I can't just pick up the fam and go have a pic nic if I wanted to. BUT this too shall pass...A friend came over last night and brought us a fruit basked. WOW she really made me feel good. It was a nice feeling to have someone go out of there way just for me...not my girls, not my husband, but for me. It really felt good.

Back to reality

WOW...is all I can say. My sweet baby is home and I am exhausted!! Hee Hee Other than that we are all doing really well. Maya is having a hard time adjusting, but she'll get it in the next couple of weeks.

I feel like I have been in a bubble this last month. Well I guess I really have. The only thing on my mind has been Maya and how am I going to see her today or I hope she is doing well when I get there. I have thought of nothing and no one but what was going on with my family. I never thought I could have handled anything like this, but to my surprise; I have. (At times not well)

"Some times He calms the storm, other times He calms His child." That song is what was going on with me. He has calmed me and helped me through this last month. He is so faithful to me and has been my ROCK through all of this. (as well as husband) I have come out of all of this a stronger, more faithful, blessed women/mother. I am so happy that my daughter is wonderful and healthy.

Thank you for all your prayers and for calling to check in on her(and me). Thank the Lord I have such a support system-when I have felt so lonely through all of this-ya'll have done so much for me and I thank all of you. Thank you Jesus for my friends and bless them 10 fold the blessings they have given me!!